Thursday, 10 May 2012

"Slimming World"

She, once again, posts off the renewal cheque -

payment for her sub to Slimming World.

It occurs to her that this is her third time; by

definition, surely that's not right?

But they did say that no girl should expect

miracles to happen overnight.

Still, she firmly resolves that, if

it doesn't work this time,

and her weight continues to soar,

like a clubbing queen on E -

and should any more zips accidentally

dare to bust - then she will

immediately cancel all the mags,

and chuck out all the Morgan

one size (which means size six)

jeans, and thank her lucky

stars for Marks and Evans -

and try to forget that she used to

prefer Gap, Next, Top Shop,

River Island - in another life!

She is actually growing

somewhat sick

of attending Weight Watchers,

week after bloody week:

each victim weighing in,

like cattle anticipating slaughter.

That regular ritual of public humiliation

has finally taken its toll: so soul-destroying.

She feels that she may flip, at any time.

The other day, she did rip up her Kylie posters; it

helped a bit. Released the pent-up tension,

like some binge. She is fed-up with counting

"points" and wondering if skipping breakfast,

lunch and dinner for three successive days

again, might not entitle her to a Fun Size

Mars Bar.

Fun Size? King Size is more fun, any day!

Yes, this is most definitely to be her last year,

as a devotee of Slimming World.

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