Monday, 28 July 2014



more times

than anyone knows

more than I could even

admit to myself


broken and battered inside

I breathe on

I bleed on

I survive

but never thrive

Saturday, 19 July 2014


they are here

I feel their pain

every day

it twists

forming complex knots

inside my heart

rips me apart

words aren't enough

my tears

my love

some days

just getting through


can feel like

an almost impossible task



and yes

I still get suicidal thoughts

but what do you do

when you want to help

but you can't

can't help anyone

anyone at all

so you simply watch

the future


in black-and-white

fading into sepia tones

in painfully slow motion

you're watching them fall

and all you really want

is for someone

to grab your hand

and save you


you know

that you're falling too

but you can't

reach out

how can you when

you're paralysed

by fear

so they are there

inside her head

she feels their pain

every day

but she cannot help

cannot save


and now she is dying with them