You find yourself a Man U fan.
You know that it makes sense.
Just when you think you’re in control,
he’ll take out your defence.
He’s calling you his girlfriend.
His mates all talk to you.
Do you trust them not to spike your drink
while you are in the loo?
Even though he’s winning anyway,
he’ll lie and cheat and dive –
so you turn up Gloria Gaynor,
but you know you won’t survive.
Now you’re after more commitment
and aspire to be his bride,
but someone needs to tell you:
No bloody chance. Your shot’s gone wide.