You are damned if you do Botox,
but you’re not allowed to age.
Lose half your natural body weight,
but not a pound more:
Anorexia’s so last year.
Well, "Hello!", "OK!" – d’ya feel the "Heat"?
We’ve had your wedding pics. And all your kids'.
We have been waiting oh-so-patiently.
Our readers love a good divorce.
The end is drawing necessarily near.
We would love you to have done hard drugs.
If you switch faiths, that’s kind of fun –
for about a week.
Then we’re after more.
We want your marriage, dear.
We have hyped up your music.
Then we’ve slated it.
There’s only so much to say on that.
You’ve only given us one divorce so far,
in your entire career.
Macrobiotic. Yoga. Kabbalah.
We’re running out of
"Material Girl" material.
The end is near. So near. It’s here.