Tuesday, 31 December 2013

"And The Cycle Repeats"

My mind is in confusion.

I don't know where to turn.

Nothing's for real, and no-one stays.

When will I ever learn?

I live inside my fantasies.

I like my own world best -

but too soon, I'm faced with reality,

and I end up even more depressed.

If only I knew who my friends were.

If only people didn't lie.

If only I expected less.

If only, like the others, I didn't care or try.

I only get over one disappointment,

once I set myself up for the next.

And even though they don't show me the small print,

the get-out clause, buried deep in the text -

I already know that there has to be one.

Deep down, I realise that from the start.

Yet, I cling to pure hope, ignoring all logic,

because I am ruled, every time, by my heart.

Now my mind is in total confusion.

There is nowhere left to turn.

Nothing's ever for real, and everyone leaves -

but I will never learn.

Monday, 30 December 2013

"Eternal Darkness"

In my world of eternal darkness,

even sleep won't let me rest.

The nightmares haunt me,

and even death can offer no escape.

The cycle just repeats:

I must wait to be reborn,

and live this hell some more.

Why can't I have oblivion?

Nothingness -

that's all I seek.

Numbness helps,

but it's temporary -

an illusion -

a cruel mockery, nothing more, of what my heart desires.

Sleep and ultimately, death -

they lure me in,

and promise me release,

but nothing ever lasts,

except for pain. Depression. Grief.

Friday, 27 December 2013


I feel disconnected

from your ordinary grief.

Knowing you'll be fine some day

must be such a relief -

and still, I wouldn't wish

this pain on anyone.

My darkness is eternal,

and I don't require the sun -

but I don't even get moonlight,

or a single star to shine

for me. I don't deserve that. Yet,

please don't ask me one more time,

to lie and say the words: "I'm fine."

I am not, and never will be.

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

"Confused and Broken" (new version with a slight alteration)

Can't analyse the type of love I feel

when all I want to do is scream: "Don't die."

It's not like Cancer. It just seems unreal -

and, even though, sure, I've been close myself, why

would I want to understand this? Yet, I do -

but won't accept that suicide's okay.

But, if it is, should I go that way, too?

Because you will not see another way,

and I just can't face living without you.

Monday, 16 December 2013


An open heart

is unprotected.

It's my own fault

that I get rejected.

I wish that I

could be enough,

but I am not.

I am worthless:

That's what I believe.

If I was worth anything at all,

then people wouldn't leave.

Friends would trust me - love me - need me.

I wish that I

could be enough,

but I am not

and never will be.

"No Reverse"

And even now - I can't believe it,

but the potential's there -

that someone else could get inside my mind,

and make me care.

It's lonely work to always be

the one who gives a damn -

the one whom they reject - eject.

So, do they think I am

unbreakable? Or just entirely worthless?

I cannot tell -

but people take me for a fool,

and make my life pure hell.

I give my all, for what that's worth -

but caring too much is a curse.

It will destroy me in the end:

Start - stop - fast forward - no reverse.

Monday, 9 December 2013

"Barbed Wire"

If false floors and trap doors,

and those fences of barbed wire,

could not keep me away -

simply let me know how

unwanted, unneeded I am -

and hope that eventually

that might drive me away.

But I'll never stop caring,

and this pain that I'm bearing

is my privilege, a blessing,

like barbed wire caressing my soul.

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

"Love Wasted"

Her maternal love was wasted.

No-one hears her when she cries

through the night for her lost babies,

and a life so full of lies.

They assume it doesn't matter,

and don't care much anyway.

Her landscape desolate, barren, bleak -

still, she endures each pointless day.

She clung to hope, but was deluded -

and yet, had so much love to give.

One final haemorrhage seals the deal:

bittersweet release - no reason left for her to live.