"Alternative CV"

I’ve tried to earn a living. What a joke.

Had fewer breaks because I would not smoke.

I’ve typed too many lists of licence plates,

And been in a few paralytic states.



I’ve tried to operate a fax machine.

I have become addicted to caffeine.

I’ve pretended not to hear a phone

At five to five; I know I’m not alone.



I have been very bored, and felt depressed.

I fear that you may not be too impressed

By my honesty. That is just too bad.

This poem may not please my mum and dad.



I have been stressed out over a deadline.

I have known that I really shouldn’t whine –

But still ended up moaning, anyway.

I’ve felt sick just looking at my In-tray.