"Naked Emotions"

maybe I don't

bare all

bare my flesh

at the first glimpse of sunshine


but you keep your lives

your emotions

"private"

whilst my own emotions

dance naked

in the glare of the midday sun


so now who's uptight

repressed

and who's open

who's spiritually free

you tell me

"What Do They Expect?"

Why am I upset? Why do I cry?

Do they honestly expect me not to care?


I've watched pets die -

friends die.


I've watched other friends leave,

without a backward glance.


I've second cousins,

whose existence

I'm not even told about.


I've found out accidentally,

almost casually, via a

Facebook thread -

"friend of friend tagged friend" -

that two old school friends

are both dead - one of whom

actually died

aged twenty-one,

but somehow I was never told.

The funeral attendance

was apparently excellent.


How do they expect me to feel?

Do they honestly expect me not to care?


I'm losing my marriage, and my mind.

And, yes - I do care. I hurt and I cry.

"Song For Samhain"

and so I sing

my silent song

for Samhain



the veil tonight

is supermodel thin

anorexic angels

inviting, enticing

us in



masked children line up

on doorsteps

requiring "treats"



and tonight we sense

reach out and tenderly touch

the souls of our

departed loved ones



and so I sing

and so I sing

in silence

"Vibrant Pain"

my psychedelic tears

of vibrant pain and vivid confusion

maybe

they help me

somehow

to work this out


you still don't understand

I know

but it's okay

no-one understands

not really

and no-one ever will

"Not Angry"

I'm not angry

you misunderstand me

if you think that


I'm not angry

I'm hurt

just so hurt

"Unwanted: Story of my Life"

torn

apart


the page that they rip out

screw up

chuck into the nearest dustbin


do you know how it feels

to be binned

trashed

unceremoniously dumped

cast aside

story of my life


broken

jaded

inspiration faded

out of luck

out of time


whose fault

never theirs

never


so it must be mine


okay

fine

"Invasion"

filth

pure filth

invades my environment


deceit

pure lies

invade my mind


insanity invades

every aspect

of my life

　

"A Piece of my Peace of Mind"

Sharing Polo mints in the afternoon -

immersed in endless daydream sequences,

my heart and mind full of

distorted perceptions,

fresh emotions

and unwanted realities.


A piece of the peace of mind that I seek -

that involved you, even though

I wasn't expecting it to.

I didn't realise that the distant past

could still affect me as much

as it does.

I don't want to go back.

It's not about contact -

not any more.

It's more about answers,

closure.

I needed to resolve

some issues in my own mind,

although no-one can find

what or who

doesn't want to be found.

Yet, I have a few answers -

a few almost-answers -

possibilities -

still so many uncertainties.

Is it enough?

Is it too much?

What I found?

What I possibly found?

What I may never know?

Now, can I let go?

I had to know -

or try to know -

something.

Now all I can do

is to whisper, "Goodbye,"

in my own mind,

and decide to let go.

If I was ever going to heal,

somehow it had to start with you -

so now I wish you well in my heart,

wherever you are -

and now I have

some clues as to that,

but I still don't know.

I never really knew

you at all.

"Present Tense"

live in the present

so they keep saying

not the past

and don't fear

the future either

but the past is what made the present moment

what it is

or what it is not

don't regret

but I do regret

I regret so much

how can I not

and does that mean

that these moments are only valid

now

and the future is where we are going

and when the future

becomes the present

is that all

that will then matter

if so

if it will be so important

how do I not

think about it

now

worry about how the future

will turn out

"Inside My Mind"

enclosed

inside my mind

a terrified child

still finding her way

still learning

hurting

hoping

seeking release

finding her own ways

to face a new day

to embrace a new day

seeking peace

"Because We Want To" (after Billie Piper)

Why do you get drunk every night?
Because we want to. Because we want to.
Why do you always pick a fight?
Because we want to. Because we want to.


Why do you screw so many "birds"?
Because we want to. Because we want to.
Why do you act like a bunch of turds?
Because we want to. Because we want to.


Why do you live on Cadbury's Smash?
Because we want to. Because we want to.
Why are you always smoking hash?
Because we want to. Because we want to.


Why do you do but never think?
Because we want to. Because we want to.
Why do you pee in the kitchen sink?
Because we want to. Because we want to.


Why swap the stickers on Rubik's Cubes?
Because we want to. Because we want to.
Why do you gawp at Jordan's boobs?
Because we want to. Because we want to.


Why do you tell so many lies?
Because we want to. Because we want to.
Why do you laugh when your girlfriend cries?
Because we want to. Because we want to.

"Pastel Shades"

Hope sometimes comes to us
in pastel shades.
It isn't always
either
black or white,
or even grey.
I feel that hope,
when needed most,
will often be
revealed in
pastel shades.

"Loose Ends"

loose ends
those stray threads that
snag
on every sharp edge


why is my life


so full of them

"Destination: Lower Than Low"

when you think

that you have hit

rock bottom


just keep on falling

falling

falling


until you reach

your destination


the land of amplified screams

that place of ultimate darkness


welcome to

my world