"Pulling Away"

she is pulling away

knows that no-one will stay

you can't force them to

that's not something she would do

anyway

she can't take any more

so she's closing the door

before

it slams in her face

protecting herself

in case

she gets hurt again

and yet somehow

she knows

that none of this will work

why does she let herself

care

why does she

set herself up

for even more disappointment

despair

will she never learn

why will she never learn

"Delusions So Beautiful"

false light and false hope

delusions so beautiful

why would she want to come back

from that other life

the one inside her head

back to this world instead

reality is but a dark shadow

ill-defined

her shattered heart and mind

cannot comprehend

cannot accept

and so they reject

"reality"

if she must call it that

when this so-called "reality" is hell

pure hell

and she is left craving

those beautiful delusions

her light and her hope

"Depressive Haze"

I learn not to mention them

too often:

my greyscale days -

this, too familiar, depressive haze.


I can view

your vibrant summer,

from afar.

To me it is simply

an unreachable star.


Is the physical illness

worse,

or the curse

of feeling constantly empty inside?

I don't know, or even care, any more.

I mainly exist

behind my cell door.

What is my life for?


And then it returns:

the darkness. Pure darkness.

Almost enticing - almost inviting.

The moment

when grey

becomes black

once again.

I can never explain


why I am

immersed

in emotional pain -

why sometimes

I can barely

function

at all.


Yet, still I am trying to smile,

and sometimes I do. 

"Sanity's Borderline"

darkness floods her mind

boundaries ill-defined

existing on sanity's borderline

relevant support denied

to feed their lie

left to endure and rot and die