"Borderline Girl in Tears"

I reside

right here:

on sanity's borderline,

overwhelmed by

extreme emotions.

Here -

in my mind's sanctuary - cell - of

vibrant darkness,

crying again -

crying

blood-red tears,

relentless, empty, comfortless tears,

feeling lost,

so lost,

misunderstood,

believing -

truly believing -

that I am

no good.

"Nothing To You"

You're in my head.

I drive myself insane

day after day.

I need to

pull away.

I'm scared that you'll leave.

It's so familiar: this pattern.

Yes, I am obsessed.

It's just the insecurity, though.

Don't you get that?

Can't you understand?

Do you really not know?

Once I let go

a little,

maybe we can

even be

friends - for real.

How would that feel?

What do I mean

to you,

nothing at all?

You don't need me

the way that I

need you.

They never do.

I feel like nothing

because I am

nothing

to you.

Yes, you are in my head.

Yes, I am completely obsessed.

If only you could

reassure me somehow,

but you won't

and you don't

care as much as I do.

Why can't I get

close to you?

You make me so happy -

and yet what do you do?

Almost nothing at all -

just be you.

Do you know how I feel?

Do you even

care

how I feel?

I'm scared that

my intensity

will drive you away.

Please stay.

I'll be okay

in the end.

I'll work through

these emotions,

let go a little.

I won't hurt you.

I won't bother you

at all.

You're in my heart,

and in my head -

and I need to

pull away.

Yet, somehow I know

that I won't stay

away

for very long.

You mean

the world

to me,

even though I know

that I am

nothing

to you.

"Moonlit Forest"

I walk through

my moonlit forest

of fantasies:

soothed by illusions;

beautiful so-called "delusions" -

more real than the cold concrete

of a reality

so hostile,

from which I now choose

to escape.

"Shadows of Endurance"

I hide in the shadows

of endurance,

and by the time I emerge,

I am ready to be diverted,


and I try not to mention

too many details

about what I've just

been through.


I want to forget - not explain.


Yes, I can seem okay.

Yes, I can even laugh.


But no, I am not really fine.