"Moving On"

One day, when you've moved on too,

and I'm part of your history -

because, in the end, they always do -

will you think of me?


I'm too intense. It scares people away.

That's their excuse.

They just don't bother - do not want to stay.

You can't make them, and so it's no real use


to beg or cry, or even calmly tell

them just how much you care.

You must not scream, and must not yell

that it's not bloody fair.


It isn't, though - but tell me:

When you've moved on too,

will I be ancient history

to you,

and will you remember that I said


that I'll never forget about you?

That when I tell you that I care - it's true.

"How It Feels"

It's when you wake up in the night and you cry,

and nothing makes much sense any more -

and the feelings that are there, you can't deny -

and you don't know what you carry on for.

You want to slam - and double-lock - the door

on your own emotions - but you can't.

It's when you wake up in the morning,

and you cry some more.

"Hopes and Dreams"

it's not as if

it's not as if

the hopes and dreams

that we started out with

ever died

they haven't died

it's not as if

it's only that

"Final Spin"

You trust. You hurt. I know the score, so why

do I let myself care? Why do I try

at all? Must my emotions always win?

By now, I must be on my final spin.


I cannot survive much more rejection.

Take it all - my genuine affection -

but just don't chuck it straight back in my face.

I wish that I could hold back, just in case


I end up hurt again. I wanted to.

Yet, still I trust - because it's what I do.

I live. I learn. What difference does that make?

Another fragment of my heart will break


each time, until I have no heart at all.

Then, I'll get to hide at last - behind my self-erected wall.

"Attachment and Obsession"

She said: "Don't let them get inside your mind."

I heard her words that way. Now she's inside

herself, and my reality's defined

by my interpretation, and I slide


from sanity to madness. Yet, I know

sometimes they're meant to be there, after all.

I give a damn, and need to let it show.

I've been there, when they watch you - let you fall -


and even push you, knowing what they do.

She shared her feelings. It was not advice

as such. She just found words I could relate to -

formed poetry that gripped me in its vice.


I get attached - even obsessed. So what?

At least I don't leave my own friends to rot.

"Only Emotional Pain"

It's only emotional pain, right?

So - hold on tight, and make it through

another night.

To endure the "only emotional pain",

convert it into physical pain - self-harm -

just to keep yourself

almost sane - whatever "sane" might be.

Does "sane" exist?

Do I exist? Does anyone? Anything?

It's only emotional pain, right?

But in order to make it through

another night,

convert it into physical pain,

which somehow doesn't hurt

nearly as much.

"Another Night"

another night

bleeds neon tears

fluorescent, yet translucent, fears

"I Want To Say More"

I want to say more

than I find the words to say

need to communicate

before it is

too late

I want to say more

not to screw up this time

I want to express

what is here in my heart

oh so clear in my heart

but I can't

somehow

I simply can't

"Do You Understand?"

Can you feel my pain?

My despair - it's there.

Do you understand?


Can you taste my tears,

when I cry

into the darkness?

The silent, welcome darkness:

the sacred inner space,

that is my one sanctuary.


I feel your pain,

and I taste your tears.


Can you feel my pain?

My despair - it's always there.

Do you understand?

"Rubies"

rubies

in the dark earth

burn

in anticipation

of her rebirth